


Whirlpool

by MutantRiot



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 17:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutantRiot/pseuds/MutantRiot
Summary: The bad dreams are only the beginning. Erik has lived with PTSD for years, and he's felt the whirlpool. He almost drowned in it. But Charles was there to yank him out and hold him above the waves, allowing him to breathe. Now his own lifeline is being pulled down, and it's Erik's turn to save him.





	Whirlpool

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! Finally finished another one shot, so here you go! <3 
> 
> Please be advised that there are mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation - only read if you are safe!

Erik woke up to his phone buzzing loudly on his nightstand. He squinted against the bright light, seeing the name Charles Xavier across the screen. Shaking himself awake, he answered the call. 

“Hello?”

“E-Erik?” Charles’ voice was shaky, and he sounded bad. He must be having another rough night. He hadn’t heard from Charles in almost a week, but that was pretty typical for bad episodes. Charles had made Erik promise to keep his distance during his spirals. He didn't want to hurt Erik, and he’d pleaded him to let him try to work through things on his own. Charles had been stable for a long time, but after several emotional fights with his family and bad reactions to new psychiatric meds, he’d plunged into his trauma again. Though Erik was terrified for his friend’s safety, he had reluctantly agreed to give Charles space, but he always left his phone on during the night - just in case.

“Yeah, what’s up? You okay?” 

“I… It won’t go away. I don’t want to hurt myself, but the images won’t go away. It’s like they’re repeating over and over in front of me even though I’m awake.” 

“Hey, hey, what are you talking about?” 

“It’s the same dream that I had last time I ended up in the hospital. I can’t sleep because I always have it.” _The one about his father’s death. He’d ODed last time. _

“Are you safe right now?” 

“Not really honestly.” 

“Would you be okay if I came over? Can you hold on until then?” 

“I...I think so. But you don’t have to come. I just wanted to tell you what was happening, you know… just in case.” 

“I’m getting dressed now, okay? Can you sit right where you are until I get there?” 

Erik pulled on his jeans and hoodie, heart pounding against his rib cage. _Not again, please God, not again. Please be safe. _

“Charles?” 

“Mhm?” 

“Are you safe enough for me to hang up and come over?” 

“I’ll try, promise. I’m gonna stay wrapped up in my blanket.” 

“Okay, just try. I’ll be there really soon, alright?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Try to ground yourself. Remember to focus on your senses. I’ll be there soon, promise.” 

“I’ll try.” 

“Okay. I’m gonna hang up now, but it’s going to be just fine.” 

“Okay.” 

“I l-love…” Erik stammered, then quickly hung up the phone before muttering, “god-fucking-dammit.” He didn’t need to unload his dumbass middle-school crush on his best friend who was having a mental breakdown. Jesus. 

He grabbed his backpack and slipped out of his apartment, quickly making his way down the stairs and out of the building. It was close to freezing outside, but he barely felt it as he jogged down the street. Charles’ building was only a block away, and he broke into a sprint on the empty sidewalk. Each step was one closer to Charles. 

He used his powers to unlock the main door without buzzing in and then took the stairs three at a time once he was inside. He knew how hard PTSD was, he knew the flashbacks and the pain and the fear. But with Charles’ mutation, everything was magnified tenfold. He was trapped in a mental whirlpool of trauma and terror, and he couldn’t get himself out. He couldn’t ground himself or even skim the edges of a calm center. He was so lost, and Erik just wanted to help him. It was only fair because of all the love and support and kindness Charles gave him when Erik had been at his worst. But he was settled now, and his demons were manageable most of the time, thanks to medications and therapy. But Charles had tripped and fallen into the depths he’d pulled Erik out of. 

He let himself into Charles’ apartment, breathing heavily from the exertion of running. Erik raced into Charles’ bedroom, a room he knew so well, but not in the way he dreamed he would. Charles was sitting in the middle of the bed, wide-eyed with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He could be a mirror image of the terrified little boy who’d walked in on his father’s murder 20 years ago, and Erik’s heart broke. 

“Hey,” he said quietly, coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed. Charles blinked and shifted to face him, trying to will himself to speak. Erik knew it was hard for him to communicate in this state, and he understood. 

“H-hi,” he managed to stutter as his gaze met Erik’s, allowing him to see how dry and bloodshot his piercing blue eyes were. Dark circles weighed the orbs down, painting a stark, gaunt portrait of a man deep in the depths of his own suffering. 

“I’m here now, you’re going to be okay. You’re safe now.” 

“I just want to sleep. But I can’t. I haven’t slept in so long.” 

“The nightmares keep you awake?” 

“Mhm,” he nodded, pulling the blanket closer around himself. 

“Have you taken anything to help you sleep?” 

“Too scared. Can’t trust myself. Only have one, remember?” 

“How about I give the meds to you? I won’t tell you where I put the pills, and I’ll stay with you tonight.” 

“I… can't. Don’t want to be a burden. Would feel guilty.” He was dissociating. Erik could tell by the broken sentences.

“Hey, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. You helped save my life. Now it’s my turn, okay? Let me help you. Please, Charles, please.” 

His friend looked on the verge of tears, pale cheeks flushing in the dim light of the apartment. Erik felt tears of his own welling up, and he struggled not to let them fall. He needed to be strong right now. 

“You like me, don’t you?” Charles murmured, eyes closed. 

“W-What do you mean?” Erik asked, heart pounding. Charles’ telepathy was usually incredibly dulled during these episodes. He could never pick up anything coherent. 

“You… you have feelings for me. Like love. How long?” 

“Um, I don’t know if this is the best time to talk about it…” 

Charles looked down and shifted under the blanket, opening his eyes. Erik caught glimpses of fresh wounds on his arms and sighed heavily. At least he wasn’t bleeding out. He had been careful, thank god. 

“I feel so sick,” Charles whispered. “My stomach hurts, my mind hurts, everything hurts. I just want to sleep until the pain stops.” 

“I know,” Erik nodded, abandoning his attempt to hold back tears. “I know. You don’t deserve any of this. You went through something no one should have.” 

“I want the screaming to stop,” he sobbed, dissolving into tears. 

Erik cried with him. He smelled the blood on Charles’ arms, felt the crushing weight of his trauma, and desperately wanted to drive all the pain away. He couldn’t let Charles, who was so beautiful and special, be destroyed by the pain. He had to stop it, even though he knew he couldn’t go inside Charles’ brain and stitch the rifts back together. 

“Erik?” Charles sniffed, wiping his eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can you help me sleep?” 

“Of course,” he nodded. “Close your eyes, and I’ll get the tablets, okay?” 

Charles had been prescribed sleeping pills, but he didn’t felt safe enough to keep more than one at al time. Erik stashed them in his backpack in an empty box of Marlboro cigarettes. Checking to make sure his friend’s eyes were firmly shut, he fished two pills out, and sat back on the bed. 

“Okay, got ‘em,” he said, lightly tapping Charles’ hand, alerting him to open his eyes. 

“I’ll get some water real quick, I’ll be right back.” 

He slid off the bed and grabbed an empty glass from his bedside table. He filled it up in the bathroom and climbed back onto the bed. The blanket had fallen off, and Erik saw the cuts on Charles’ arms clearly. They looked a little deeper than “superficial,” but nothing that needed stitches. He’d be okay as long as they were cleaned up. 

“Here you go,” Erik said with a soft smile, pressing the pills into Charles’ hand. “They kick in pretty fast. I take them too.” 

“Are you going to stay the night?” Charles asked, popping the meds and washing them down with water. 

“Um… I don’t know.” 

“Do you _want_ to?” There was something knowing in Charles’ voice, and Erik found it comforting and terrifying. 

“I… I mean, I always want to be here for you. I want to be around if you need me.” 

“That’s not really what I asked.” Charles was inching closer to reality and the moment at hand through the dense fog of fear and memories. 

“Is it okay if I do? I can make a bed on the couch.” 

“Of course,” Charles nodded, his body settling, the panic slowly dissipating. He was coming down, but he looked so tired, so drained. The meds were kicking in, he could tell. 

“Okay,” Erik nodded, getting up to retrieve a spare blanket from Charles’ closet. 

“Erik?” 

He turned back around, and Charles was burrowing himself under the covers, eyes locked on him. 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you hold me?” 

Erik’s stomach flipped, and he felt his mouth dry. _Oh Christ, this has to be the meds. It’s nothing else. He’s just tired and needs reassurance, it’s fine. Leave once he’s asleep. It won’t be weird._

“Are you sure?” 

“Mhm.” 

“It won’t be weird for you?” 

“I know you like me,” he whispered. “It’s okay.” 

“H-how? Did you read me? Did I ever say something?” 

“You almost told me that you loved me today. And one time before that last June. I was too scared of killing myself to tell you I loved you. I couldn’t do that to you.” He yawned, patting the space beside him. “It wouldn’t be fair…” 

“Wait… you feel the same way?” 

“Mhm,” Charles nodded, eyes fluttering. The meds were definitely kicking in now. “I’m gonna fall asleep soon.”

“C-can I sleep in bed with you? Are you sure that’d be okay?” 

“Mhm, need human contact. I’m cold.” 

“Okay, one second. Don’t fall asleep yet.” 

Erik quickly stripped off his jeans, shoes, socks, and sweatshirt. His heart was still racing as he climbed into bed next to Charles. 

“H-hi,” he stammered as Charles curled up next to him, head pressed against Erik’s chest. 

“Hi,” the dark-haired lump replied. “You’re warm.” 

“You’re cold!” 

“Will you… um, hold me? Please?” 

“Of course,” Erik nodded, allowing Charles to spoon up to him and steal his body heat. 

Charles’ breathing was slowing down, and Erik’s pulse was finally returning to normal when his companion said, 

“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” 

“That’s my job,” Erik said softly. “We protect each other. We’ve got the same demons, just different skins.” 

“I love you, Erik.” Charles was basically talking in his sleep, but the words set Erik’s heart and mind on fire. 

“I love you too, Charles,” he replied, holding the other man closer to his chest. “I love you too.” 


End file.
